You seem extra psyched about the new year. That’s great! It is. I’m just a little worried. Your new years resolutions always tend to be unrealistic. Remember last year how depressed you got when you couldn’t figure out how to build a C-3PO? Or the year before you ate the world’s largest candy apple because you thought it would help you win Time magazine Man of the Year? But instead they had to pump your stomach.

Take a cue from me. I keep all my resolutions within reach. Like this year I’m only going to date women who will go out with me. I also made a promise to myself to watch the next season of Game of Thrones. I’m going to change “Hip/Hop” to “Hip-Hop” in my iTunes library, and I’m not going to hit anyone in the face.

Those are mine. What are yours?