Calendar maker: Officer, please help! A strange pale man appear from out of thin air. He smash my Mayan calendar!
Mayan police: We’re in Maya; it’s just a calendar here.
Calendar maker: He wear hat shaped like cone that go bleep and bloop.
Mayan police: Like a fez?
Calendar maker: No, not as aphrodisiac. This pale man ruin my life’s work! Moon after moon I spend, twelve years now, making Mayan calendar. You know how I know this?
Mayan police: How?
Calendar maker: I MAKE CALENDAR THAT MARK TIME! Before him break it him yell ‘This is for Gary!’ What kind of evil name is this… Gary?
Mayan police: I don’t know Mrs. Vicious Turtle. We’ll see what we can do. But we’re pretty preoccupied with crimes more heinous in nature.
Calendar maker: Heinous! More heinous than destroying a Mayan calendar?
Mayan police: Again…
Calendar maker: Carved from precious stone with my own two hands, and the two hands of my slave! What is more heinous than vandalism?
Mayan police: Welp… beheadings are up.