All posts tagged "A Beast Fable"

Reminds me of a beast fable Ernest Hemingway told me once while I was stuck in a k-hole. The fable is called “The Hippo & the Stork Beast Fable,” which is redundant which is Hemingway:

“A hippo and a stork meet in a meadow. The stork asks if the hippo will let it stand on the hippo’s head? But as the hippo is asking him why, the stork is already standing on his head.”

The moral: when someone wants to shit on your head don’t bother asking why.

This reminds me of a beast fable an old man with an erection told me from behind the bushes of his estate. It goes like this:

“Psst. A porcupine meets a beautiful frog in an empty apartment both want to rent. The porcupine and the frog like each other so much they do it in front of a mirror, and afterwards they agree to never share any personal information, not even their names.

They keep meeting in private and *WHISTLE NOISE* each others brains out using extra large *DOORBELL RING* on each others’ *KAZOO SOUND* while they *SQUEAKY MATTRESS*. One night after a bad argument the porcupine puts a stick of butter up the frog’s *CLOWN HORN* and they *SLIDE WHISTLE* on the balcony in broad day. Until one day the frog wants to know the porcupine’s name?

‘My name is Sneaky Larry,’ it says. ‘And I like to poke.’”

The moral: never get to know anyone. Ever.

This reminds me of a beast fable a guy who sells D batteries on the subway told me once:

“Two mice who were wrongfully imprisoned in space jail spark a rebellion against their cat overlords when they hijack a robot-cat and use it to have very rough sex with the President of Cats, like in that movie Secretary? The rough sex part, I mean. In the movie Secretary there was no character who was President of Cats—excuse me—PURRsident of Cats.”

“You want some Duracells?”

The moral: don’t tell a guy holding a ziplock bag full of D batteries that the story he wrote about anthropomorphic mice who fuck to win is too hard Sci-Fi to get published.