All posts tagged "Homeschoolin’"

Hi Matthew, I’m Gary. I’ll be your substitute homeschool teacher. Today we study the history of aviation. Do you know the Wright brothers? Well the Wright brothers were men of low moral fiber who the beast Satan rewarded by telling bumblebees to whisper unto them their secrets of flight. And after healing from a swarm of bee stings they invented the first plane.

Before the Wright brothers was man’s first trip into outer space which, chronologically speaking, happened “after” the Wright brothers but really you and I know it happened before…if you stop to think about it. Stop to think about it. Time machines? The year 2025? I think you understand now.

That’s enough about history, let’s go over ghost protocol for zero hour again. Remember! The world ends in two hundred and sixty-five days, and if it doesn’t end that means we have another two hundred and sixty-five day reprieve, because…? Because, because? Because future you used “what” machine to travel back to our now to stop the world from ending?

Calendar maker: Officer, please help! A strange pale man appear from out of thin air. He smash my Mayan calendar!

Mayan police: We’re in Maya; it’s just a calendar here.

Calendar maker: He wear hat shaped like cone that go bleep and bloop.

Mayan police: Like a fez?

Calendar maker: No, not as aphrodisiac. This pale man ruin my life’s work! Moon after moon I spend, twelve years now, making Mayan calendar. You know how I know this?

Mayan police: How?

Calendar maker: I MAKE CALENDAR THAT MARK TIME! Before him break it him yell ‘This is for Gary!’ What kind of evil name is this… Gary?

Mayan police: I don’t know Mrs. Vicious Turtle. We’ll see what we can do. But we’re pretty preoccupied with crimes more heinous in nature.

Calendar maker: Heinous! More heinous than destroying a Mayan calendar?

Mayan police: Again…

Calendar maker: Carved from precious stone with my own two hands, and the two hands of my slave! What is more heinous than vandalism?

Mayan police: Welp… beheadings are up.