All posts tagged "Hot Fez"

Party in Philadelphia? I’ll be there, and I’ll bring some ladies, but first you have to do something for me.

You have to stop wearing party hats.

I mean it. It’s not even just parties anymore; you wore one to a neighborhood watch meeting for Gods sake. I assume that your “party” is for adults? I won’t have to find a Chuck E. Cheese on Yelp to get the directions, or know anything about the Spy Kids franchise?

It’s an imbecilic fascination and it will end today, or else… I turn your party hat party into a party hat intervention.

New Years is over. The other 364 days of the year try wearing a hat that adults wear– like a fez.

Yeah. Wear a fez.

The ladies seemed like they had a great time at your party. My apologies for leaving early. About that, my storming out. Obviously I want to apologize for my, um, behavior. I may have had a few too many to drink. I had no clue that the wine was 80-proof, homegrown moonshine. The ‘XXX’ label should have tipped me off. And then the more I think about it, who serves wine in a boot? Anyway, it triggered some irrational anger on my part towards your new fez hat which, I realize, is strange since the hat was my idea in the first place. I repeat: MY idea.

To me it’s just a hat — acknowledge it and move on with your life. But the girls, especially, were very into talking about it and staring at it with what can best be described as a hypnotic leer. IT’S JUST A HAT. Why would a– anyway. I’m relitigating. I just had no clue Turkish headwear was such an aphrodisiac.

No excuse for me letting my insecurity get the best of me. I’m sorry for telling you that the fez makes you look like a genie with no wishes; and for trying to drink moonshine wine from it. That’s not how I conduct myself. I have integrity. If you don’t believe me just ask the Shriners club; I’m their newest member. I proudly look forward to wearing the uniform.