All posts tagged "Mel’s Beaver"

Mel Gibson: a man of many hats, none of them yamakas.

Have you seen his movie about the beaver yet? I hope that beaver pays for whatever it did to Mel Gibson’s family.

Oh you saw the movie. Well thanks for spoiling it. So in the end the beaver betrays Mel Gibson to protect its family? And this beaver’s family is made up of a beaver (obviously), the beaver’s wife (also a beaver), and their two kids who are not at all beavers; in fact they are mice. AND WHY ARE THEY MICE??

Let me tell you why they aren’t mice. Evolution. And because you’re an idiot. You’re conflating the fact that beavers and mice are both in the rodent family, which is not the same as beavers and mice being an actual family, living together in a hollow log or giant wheel of cheese.

I’ll give you an example: humans are primates, meaning your mother and my mother are both primates. Look at yourself in the mirror. Are you a Sumatran orangutan? (Look at a picture of a Sumatran orangutan before you answer)

This is why our food snack business failed so miserably. My brilliant idea — animal ‘fortune’ cookies with interesting facts about animals baked inside them — RUINED because you got all the facts wrong. Now some storage place in Queens has dozens of boxes with little slips of paper in them that say stuff like “Whales just read nonfiction” and “Cows eating grass is based on the movie Lawnmower Man.”